I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize