Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
