just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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