Soap is not a condiment
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
