I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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