Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
