fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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