so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
