my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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