ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
