Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
