Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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