have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i think my cat just said my name.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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