apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
