I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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