this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
