My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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