What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
