Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Panties = found
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
