can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
