Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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