The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize