Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize