I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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