After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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