Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
