Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
