New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
