So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
