He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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