the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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