I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize