Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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