i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
