we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
