i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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