a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's always time for handjobs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
