she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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