You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
