That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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