its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
