there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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