Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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