Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
