I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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