Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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