I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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