i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize