if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
