even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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