NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
