White coat. Heels.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
