Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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