he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
