Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need water and some morals
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
