Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
