so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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