The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
