I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
