thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
