my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
