I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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