i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
