goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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