I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
