He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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