therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
