Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize