Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
